It’s that time of the year again. Santa’s making a list, he’s checking it twice cos he’s gotta know who’s naughty and nice. Never mind you saw mummy kissing Santa Claus underneath the mistletoe last year, the judgemental old bastard keeps a ledger and I reckon it needs a shake up. Who’s with me?

Hmm but how to reserve your spot on the naughty list? I have some ideas of my own…how about we;
— stay up late on school nights
— imbibe in holy spirits
— dress up like a naughty little elf and shake the presents
— …why not open a few presents and give them a little try?
— that brandy and cookies left out for Santa? C’mon you know you wanna eat ‘em.
— Christmas stockings look best with a garter belt. Just sayin’.

Oh, and if you see that jolly old geriatric, will you tell him to shove his coal where the sun don’t shine?