The festive season’s revelry can lead to blood rivalry. Have you ever been outdone by your younger rellies at the family Christmas do? Read on to find out.

You lose your permanent “embarrassingly late arrival” award to a new straggler. Your war wounds from last night’s clumsy taxi exit are nothing compared to the newer, wilder model. Check out your leggy siblings / cousins being lovingly admonished, as their torn-up knees and elbows are attended to by Grandma. Your mother proffers a candy cane “to help with the pain, dear”. The traitor, she’s forgotten your yearly tradition.

Where you have one hastily half-scrubbed tramp stamp adorning your wrist, this younger party animal has a myriad of colours on proud display. Their phone vibrates so much throughout lunch that you wonder if there’s a new app that converts your phone into a…well…you know what. Then you think, if there isn’t, how much would it be to make one? Surely that would reclaim your cool crown.

You’re a bit ashamed to admit the combination of a big lunch, plus generous amounts of wine have made you a bit giggly and sleepy. Younger kid? Nothing… wow that takes serious training.

Just as you’re contemplating a cheeky nap, you hear the little ratbag loudly discussing their New Year’s plans with the other little ratbags. But guess what? “Tickets to Lokal at Geisha wins every time” you drowsily think, as you nod off to the youngun’s incessant chatter.

Peace out and sweet pudding-filled dreams… and don’t forget to buy those tickets.